The struggle is real

London 101: Time to set the record straight. I'd love to tell you all that life is perfect, easy and exactly as it seems but I feel as though we all need to tell it how it is sometimes...

My partner and I have recently made the big ol move to London. Many people formally warned me that the big smoke can be both soul destroying and infatuating in one big ugly swoop. And so far, its been one tiny eeny weeny week, I feel like I have felt both sides of this coin a million times over.

For starters the job hunt. This alone has to be one of the single worst times in your life for self reflection and hatred. Waiting around all day with more time then anyone needs to over think and receive rejection from complete strangers on your apparent incompetence. Oh joy! But please add in the stress of needing to pay bills to continue your existence in a place that, as it turns out, you don’t really fit in to. Not yet anyway.

Everyones been there. We all have times in our life where someone more accomplished (aka your future boss, if you should be so lucky) gets to grill you on your insecurities in a formal setting, and you must smile politely and come up with quick witted answers as to why you have quit every job you’ve had in the last five years.

At the time of course “ I don’t understand the point of staying in a job that doesn’t make me happy” or “Im bored, I want to be challenged” or plain and simple “my boss is a douche” makes for a totally reasonable excuse to resign, but once your re applying, well, its not really on the list of possible answers. So what is one to say really?

Secondly London, and life in general, really calls for thick skin. I can not explain this attribute of mine better then to say I am pretty much transparent.  I WILL TAKE EVERYTHING PERSONALLY. It can be incredibly ridiculous and unrelated to me but I will find a way to load it on my own two shoulders. I will take people problems, moods, outbursts, ignorance, jealousy or just plain mean-ness onboard and let it beat me black and blue.

Thirdly, welcome to the big city life: So far, remember we have been here one week, there has been two terrorists warnings. People here seem to ignore such emergencies. In fact the longer you’re here, aka the thicker your skin, the better you become and unflinchingly carrying on with your day regarding such news. 

The other night at 1am in the morning on our two hour journey home from "town" our bus drove around two life less people receiving CPR in the middle of the road while a drunken crowd from a nearby pub gathered around. In all fairness had this been New York no one dare have touched them for fear of been sued. 

There has been a beheading for no particular reason in an old ladies backyard and sprawled across our neighbourhood are flyers of a beautiful young fourteen year old called Alice who is missing and according to last nights news is presumed dead as a murder mystery unfolds. I pass about 60 of these posters on my walk to the tube station or the supermarket each day and her little face haunts me. I try to be a true Londoner and look the other way, I really do, but I can feel her big brown eyes on my back as I walk away and my heart cant ignore such sadness.

I guess I write this not to whine, so much as tell it how it is. The bills, stress, desensitized humans, social awkwardness and straight up confusion. I have lost count of how many friends, myself included, are torturously captivated by social medias highlight reel. You know the ones where a flawless babe is walking the streets of New York without a care in the world in her 10 inch heels but it doesn’t show her bank account or the gigantic blisters on her feet.  I reckon sometimes we ought to battle the machine and be honest with one another. Facebooks news feeds show a fraction of the truth. Everyone has his or her struggles and insecurities hidden in a dark closet somewhere and that’s ok too.

I have had an amazing adventure across Europe, one I feel unfathomably lucky to have had, and now this opportunity to be living abroad, starting a little fresh and testing myself really is a great thing, and most days I can see that all these little things are a part of the adventure and a small part of the bigger picture. I know things will get better, that life is testing my minuscule patience and that things actually are not bad at all.

So for now, I’m going to try and ride this wave a little better. Accept London for the beautiful beast it is, lighten my load and although I’m not that girl in New York in ten inch heels I do have some killer big blisters on my feet, so I might just stick to jandles for as long as I can. It’s the little things after all.